


Cornwall

by part_timeslayer



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-04
Updated: 2014-08-24
Packaged: 2018-02-07 11:24:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1897236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/part_timeslayer/pseuds/part_timeslayer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a relative of Morgana's dies suddenly, Morgana, Arthur, Gwen, and Merlin travel to Cornwall. Things get complicated when they run into the mysterious Morgause and the druid boy prophesied to bring about Arthur's downfall. Merlin tries to protect Arthur and determine friend from foe without the wise counsel of Gauis and the Great Dragon. Gwen is suspicious of Morgause, Arthur is Arthur, and Morgana has to decide where her loyalties lie and whether she even wants to return to Camelot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Set early season 2  
>  Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin

 

Morgana glanced at Arthur as a nobleman listed complaints against his neighbor. The neighbor appeared to have done nothing wrong. The petty nobleman simply wanted the other mans lands. No matter how many pretty words he used to cover up his intent, it was obvious even to the Prince. It was rare for Arthur to have to sit through the tedium of the day to day running of the kingdom, he was usually out training knights, but Uther felt that it was important that his son join them every now and then. At least his facial expressions made the task mildly amusing. Arthur looked bemused and disgusted, crinkling his nose, and opening his mouth to interrupt several times. He was hushed with a gesture from his father every time.

Uther lounged on his throne looking at ease, but attentive. Despite being a man of action and swift judgment, he could be incredibly patient when it suited him. The mans incessant whining was abruptly ended as the doors burst open and Leon marched through them followed by an out of breath messenger.

“Please forgive me, my lord, for my interruption from your honorable work. I have a messenger here with me, from Cornwall. I was going to have him wait until your meeting was over, but he mentioned that his news might affect the Lady Morgana.”

“Thank you Sir Leon. Lord Berec, I must postpone this meeting, but I think I will have a solution for you when next we speak.”

Arthur looked relieved, and Lord Berec disgruntled, but simpering as always. Leon nodded respectfully as the man left, then he motioned the messenger forward. Morgana tilted her head to the side curiously. It was rare that she heard from her childhood home, and she wondered why they would seek her out now.

Sure she was technically the Duchess of Cornwall, but a cousin of her fathers had been named regent after his death. Morgana could have gone back and ruled from Tintagel at any point after she had come of age, but she was used to living in Camelot, and she was used to Uther and Arthur as well. Though she would rather undergo torture than admit to any small amount of genuine affection for either of them.

“What news do you bring of Cornwall?” Uther’s brow was furrowed as though he was expecting bad news. Then again he generally was. Which wasn’t all that surprising taking into the amount of horrible or bizarre incidents that took place in his kingdom. Most of them were the result of his own actions, so that might just be a vicious cycle at work.

“Duke Marcus passed away. He was out on his daily ride, and was thrown from his horse. He landed on his neck, the physician says that he didn’t suffer.”

The messenger looked at Morgana compassionately as he spoke. He apparently expected Morgana to be deeply grieved by the death of her cousin, despite the fact that she hadn’t even seen Marcus more than a handful of times. He frowned disapprovingly at her lack of reaction before turning back to the king expectantly.

Uther nodded thoughtfully and spoke sharply.  
“Who has temporarily taken control of Tintagel?”

“The son of Duke Marcus, My Lord, Duke Cador.”

“Did he send along a message?”

“He only asked that he be allowed to continue his fathers work, as the ruler of Cornwall.”

“His father wasn’t the ruler, he was the regent for Morgana.” Arthur broke in loudly, and protectively.

The messenger sifted nervously, but his words came out evenly nonetheless.  
“I’m sure my lord meant no disrespect. It’s just that the Lady Morgana hasn’t been to Tintagel since she was very young, most people assume that my lord owns Cornwall. It is easy to forget that the Lady Morgana is the ruler.”

“Well, I suppose we will just have to remind them.” Uther now looked as displeased as Arthur. He motioned Leon forward with the wave a hand. Somehow he made even that look ominous. Morgana wondered if she ever looked that, then dismissed the thought. She was nothing like Uther.

“Find our guest a place to stay, and send me Gaius.”

Sir Leon bowed and left with the messenger in tow. It was quiet in the throne room once the Pendragons were alone. Morgana wasn’t sure how to feel. She was angry about being usurped, or almost potentially usurped really, but she also realized that that Cador had lived in Cornwall his whole life. He probably felt a deep bond to the dukedom. The only interaction Morgana bothered with in regards to her old home was collecting revenue. She hadn’t even participated in that until a few years ago, Uther had managed all her money and lands when she was a child. He still did often look over anything she wasn’t completely sure of.

Duke Marcus was the one who had efficiently run Cornwall for fourteen and a half years, and as the oldest living male from the house of Gorlois he might have been given ownership of Cornwall if Gorlois hadn’t loudly proclaimed Morgana his heir. He even had legal papers drawn up by Geoffrey of Monmouth, which were witnessed by Uther himself. Morgana was sometimes ironically amused when she thought about the fact that her father probably wouldn’t have had to go through half so much trouble if he had had a son instead.

Now the son of Marcus was taking the reigns of Cornwall, and with the aforementioned knowledge in mind, it made sense that Cador might feel some claim over the lands. Still, she couldn’t help but feel a territorial protectiveness that screamed out against a great injustice done to her. She had to bite her tongue to combat the overwhelming urge to say ‘mine’ aloud.

Gauis walked through the door with Merlin behind him. Arthur looked like he wanted to say something rude about how his servant should by doing some onerous task, but apparently was in too sour a mood. Uther looked mildly surprised by the unasked for manservant’s attendance, but apparently didn’t see any harm in his presence, and probably forgot the boy was even in the room moments later.

Uthers jaw suddenly clenched, and he stalked to the window with long, harsh strides. And clasped his hands behind his back. Merlin looked as eager and inquisitive as always, and took a moment to study each noble individually. Whatever he saw made his eyes turn serious. Morgana didn’t find that overly unusual. While it wasn’t atypical for one or two of the Pendragons to be petulant or bad-tempered at a time, it was strange to find them all so at once. Morgana reluctantly acknowledged that it probably didn’t look like a pleasant situation to be involved in if not even one of them appeared slightly overconfident. Usually Arthur or his father.

After a few more moments of tense silence, as everyone waited for Uther to speak, Gauis stepped forward, a concerned eyebrow disappeared into his hair.  
“Sire, is there something you required?”

“Morgana, and therefore I, may have a problem soon. At the moment it may be minor, possibly even nonexistent, but if not handled properly, has the potential to be…difficult.”

“What problem would that be? Is it health related?”

Uther finally turned to from the window to speak to Gauis directly.

“No, no, nothing like that. We received word that the regent of Cornwall died. A fair man, his death is most unfortunate. His son, Duke Cador is in command at the moment. He wishes to take up his fathers post. Ordinarily this wouldn’t be a problem. I would send out someone to make sure he was up to the task, and loyal to the crown and that would be that. This is different though, this is Morgana’s inheritance, and she hasn’t been to Cornwall since she was ten. It wouldn’t be hard for someone else to take control, especially being that most of the people may not even know that she is the Duchess.”

The king turned away from the rooms other occupants as he continued.

“It’s not unlikely that our fears are unfounded, I haven’t even met the young man, if he is anything like his father then we should have little to worry about. Still it concerns me. Cornwall is powerful, and Tintagel is near impenetrable, Camelot could defeat them, but I would rather not wage war against Morgana’s kinsmen. Not to mention the number of casualties it would take on both sides. And the number of men it would take to siege Tintagel would leave Camelot weakened.”

Morgana had noticed that Arthur had a similar way of asking for advice without really have to ask. Arthur himself had gone from looking defiant, and ready for a fight, to worried as his father spoke. While he had fully supported the idea of quarreling with someone trying to steal from her, he had gone pale at the mention of casualties, and nearly transparent when a weakened Camelot was discussed. When he glanced at Morgana, she did her best to keep her expression unreadable, and her muscles relaxed.

“Well, does Morgana actually want Cornwall? You already take care of most of her expenses, and I haven’t heard her say anything about wanting to return to Cornwall since she was eleven years old.”

Uther was shaking his head before Gaius finished.

“Whether she wants it or not isn‘t the issue, it belongs to her. If she decides that she doesn’t want it anymore one day, for whatever reason, then she can do what she will. I don’t she has any intention of giving it up purely because doesn’t want to make trouble with a presuming relative.”

Uther gave her a fond glance, but she saw Merlin and Arthur studying her hopefully. She felt like she was being tested, yet she didn’t know what they wanted from her. Were they expecting her to drop this? If that’s what they were trying to wordlessly ask her then they would have to live with a bit of disappointment.

What were they so worried about anyway? It probably wouldn’t come to war, and even if it did, what does that have to do with either of them? Sure Arthur had often led his men into battle in the past, but it was unlikely that Uther would send his son, the Prince, so far away for an undetermined length of time. He wasn’t at risk, so why did he look as though it would be his life she was gambling with if asserted her claim over her property?

“I could care less about what my cousin might want. I will do everything I can to keep Cornwall. It’s the greatest reminder I have of my father. The cost, whatever it may be, will be worth it in the end.”

“To who? You and my father maybe, but the people who will be dying for it will probably have a difference of opinion!” Arthur burst out heatedly.

Morgana and Uther frowned identically, but Morgana beat the king to a cool condescending response.

“You should be used to this sort of thing by now, Arthur. How many of those men you lead into battle do you really think are so eager to fight for you? Do you think they simply volunteer to follow you to certain death because they love you so much? They have orders. Believe me, a good portion of the people won’t even know you’ve taken the throne until years after the death of your father,” with a quick glance to Uther, “may that be many years from now.”

Uther looked a bit conflicted. While he supported Morgana, it was uncomfortable to see his son near devastated. He wasn’t sure how to make Arthur feel better, or if he should even try, since the boy was being insensible, so he tried to gently share his wisdom.

“Sometimes sacrifices must be made.”

“There has to be some way to resolve this without the people of Camelot being the ones to suffer.” Arthur insisted.

“Of course, son, haven’t you been listening? Morgana and I aren’t seeking a fight, we were just contemplating the worst case scenario, you’d be a fool to tae a course of action without considering the consequences. I’m sure we would all prefer a diplomatic solution, though, I admit, I’m surprised that you would so strongly support a peaceful solution. It shows maturity, I’m impressed, but remember moderation. There won’t always be a peaceful answer, sometimes actions speak louder than words, but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t always try to avoid a fight if you can honorably. Unless, of course, if it’s magic related.”

Morgana turned away nervously. There was an awkward silence as Uther applauded his parental lecture, Arthur sat abashed, and Merlin, Morgana, and Gauis tried not to obviously react. Gauis did the best job, not that it really mattered as the Pendragons tended not to be observant when the subject of magic came up.

“Sire, it seems to me that you should send someone to investigate this Duke Cador before any hasty decisions are made.” Gauis said.

“Yes, Arthur will leave with a handful of men as soon as Geoffrey writes up the documents to give Cador the regency, and to pledge his loyalty to me and Morgana. It shouldn’t take him long, you should expect to leave by tomorrow morning.”

“I will?” Arthur asked.

“Who better?”

“Me, for one. I am overdue a trip to Cornwall anyway.” Morgana answered.

“It might be dangerous.” Uther appeared ambivalent. On one hand the trip may prove to be harmless, and even beneficial, if Morgana could charm the people it would greatly reduce the chances of them revolting against her in favor of Cador. It shouldn’t be a difficult thing for her to do, Morgana could be very charismatic when she choose to be. He couldn’t send her alone she would be defenseless against her relatives and their men at arms.

“Arthur will go with you. Send the messenger ahead with word of your visit.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So what do you guys think? Good so far or should I give up now? Mordred and Morgause are planned to be making appearances, and will almost certainly be major characters. I don’t intend for Morgana to turn out completely evil, but I do prefer to read and write about her with a grey morality. Any questions anyone has will be answered to the best of my ability if I wasn’t clear on anything.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin

Merlin woke with a groan, hastily washed his face, and threw on a fairly clean shirt. He had to get up even earlier than usual to wake up Arthur, so that they could go to Cornwall for a reason that wasn’t quite clear to him. He could hear Gaius setting up breakfast in the other room, and nearly slipped on the blanket he had thrown onto the floor earlier.

He checked that the door was closed securely, and cleaned his room with magic. Merlin surveyed the room pleased at the outcome of the spell, before he noticed his mistake. If Gaius were to enter the room he would undoubtedly notice that it was too clean for his ward to have done by hand.

So naturally, in order to avoid another tongue lashing about using magic for chores, Merlin rumpled the bed, pulled two articles of clothing partially out of the draws, and wiped a bit of dirt from one of his shoes onto the ceiling. He was amused to discover that it was still cleaner than before he used the spell. That done he grabbed the small bag he had packed for the journey, and stepped out to meet Gaius.

“Good morning.” Merlin attempted to stride passed the older man, but was stopped with a look.

“Sit down, have breakfast, you have a long trip ahead of you.”

Merlin was going to refuse, a look out the window told him he wasn’t up as early as he had thought he was, but decided he probably wouldn’t be too late.

“Thank you.”

“You have everything you need?”

“Yes. Well, I think so. Prince dollop head was about as cryptic as could be when I asked him how long we would be gone. He did have me pack most of his clothes though, even the formal ones, so it might be awhile. How long do you think?”

“Oh, it’s hard to say. These things could be cleared up within days or it may take months.”

“Months!”

“It probably won’t take the long. Unless of course Morgana decides to stay, Arthur would want to make sure she’s comfortably settled before leaving her there by herself. Speaking of her, make sure you give these to Gwen. The bottle is a sleeping drought, and the paper is the instructions on how to make it. Gwen will see that it goes straight to the physician if Morgana starts having any trouble with her rest.”

“No one said anything about Morgana staying. Camelot is her home.”

“It wasn’t always. It probably won’t come to that anyway, the idea may not have even occurred to Arthur yet, or Morgana. Though I’m sure Morgana will consider sooner rather than later. Uther may have dismissed the idea completely.

“The king never saw much in Tintagel, other than it’s security. It’s bordered by the sea on one side and cliffs on the other. The only way to reach Tintagel is through a small pass that just barely allows room for a wagon. It’s a gloomy place, I don’t think the king expects Morgana to desire to take up a permanent residence there after all the years she’s spent in Camelot.”

“Do you think otherwise, Gaius?”

“It’s possible. Morgana isn’t a little girl anymore, it would make sense that she would want her own home, where no one can tell her what to do or scold her. She’s never much liked being without control, which I will say, made her a bit contrary as a child. I can see her enjoying the freedom of her own castle, and being happily involved in the running of her duchy. Even if it is a cold, rocky, wild portion of land. What has you so upset?”

“Nothing. I’m just worried about her…gifts. I can’t help her from here if something happens, but I won’t be able to just leave Arthur. I will eventually have to come back home to complete my destiny. I guess I will just hope that Morgana values the family, and friends who love her here, more than the power she could possess in Cornwall. For her own sake.”

* * *

 

Morgana was already up when Gwen arrived that morning. They had stayed up late packing the night before, well, mostly Gwen, but it appeared that Morgana was adding a few things.

When that was done she turned and sat at the table, apparently writing a letter. As Gwen got closer, with Morgana’s breakfast balanced precariously in one hand as she shut the door, she realized that Morgana was looking at numbers rather than words. She was frowning, and so distracted by what she was reading that she didn’t notice her maids presence until her breakfast was placed beside her.

“Is everything alright milady?”

“Fine. I was just looking over my income over the last few years, I don’t want to be ignorant if it comes up. Earlier I was looking at the names of the nobles and high-ranking military leaders there. I didn’t know that Cador was married, he even has a son named Constantine, a boy nine years old.”

“That’s interesting, but you should eat. You’ll do fine as you are, believe me nobody will mistake you as ignorant. Tired maybe. I doubt you even went to bed last night. You should have let me run down to get a drought from Gaius if your having trouble sleeping. Eat your breakfast, you know how you get when your hungry.”

“I don’t get like anything!” Despite her protest Morgana started her morning meal easily enough. Though, being Morgana, she reached for a pitcher of wine to go with it. Gwen intercepted, and handed her water instead. She pouted, but thankfully didn’t argue.

“Do you think I should wear my armor? Or a regular riding dress? I don’t know what message I really want to send.”

It sort of worried Gwen that Morgana’s mind worked like that. Who puts armor up as a dress option for visiting a relative? Other than Arthur. He was similar to Uther in a way or two, but Morgana was the one who shared his fathers love of ornate dress and accessories. Even if Uther did generally only wear black, it still shined through.

Gwen sometimes wondered what went on in Morgana’s head. She was never sure whether the other woman was a genius, the most intelligent person Gwen had ever met, or simply a flippant noble woman. One who was prone to daydreaming, and focusing entirely on her wardrobe.

The journey would be three days at least, so even if Morgana did need to make an interesting entrance, armor wouldn’t be needed until the day of their arrival. Not to mention that this was supposed to be peaceful mission, if possible.

Perhaps Morgana was acting oddly because she was more nervous than she had let on. Or maybe she feared some unknown danger, it wasn’t out of the ordinary for Morgana to have a feeling that was later proven to be correct. While Morgana and Gwen didn’t talk about Morgana’s dreams or feelings Gwen still knew enough not to doubt the other woman when she made strange comments.

Gwen considered the raven haired young woman who was expectantly waiting for her opinion, and decided that it probably wasn’t a vision. Morgana had to be genuinely interested in her wardrobe, there was no way she could look so relaxed otherwise. Gwen should have dismissed her suspicions straight away.

“The dress. We’re not going into battle Morgana.”

“You don’t know that.”

“…do you?”

“No.”

“Then why insist on armor? You look very pretty in your dresses Morgana.” Gwen tried to sound persuasive, and it seemed to be working until Morgana shook her head dismissively.

“I always look pretty. I guess I can compromise, though. Contrary to popular opinion, I don’t always have to have my way. I’ll just wear the shirt and leggings from the armor. We’re bringing a good deal of my wardrobe anyway.”

Gwen went to respond to that, but decided that she probably didn’t want to continue this conversation.

“You were up early this morning, and I left late last night. Did you get _any_ rest?”

Morgana pushed her half eaten breakfast to the side, and walked over to her wardrobe, pulling out the shirt and leggings she picked out. Gwen started towards her to help the other woman, by force of habit, but realized that the outfit wasn’t complicated and didn’t have any ties in the back, so turned to straighten up the table, and waited for Morgana to answer.

Gwen had started out the sentence just trying to change the subject, but was almost surprised by how concerned she really was. She had gotten so used to Morgana’s night terrors that they didn’t really bother her anymore unless they were at their worst, but today was different. Morgana couldn’t just take a nap if she was tired later, they would be traveling all day. It could be bad is she fell asleep in the saddle. Then again Morgana was a talented equestrian, it was crazy to worry so much.

“Some. Probably more than that poor girl. A new serving girl was just leaving, a few hours before morning, when she heard screams coming from my room. I’d had a bad dream, thankfully I don’t really remember most of it, and it probably didn’t make much sense anyway, but it frightened her horribly. She was very kind though, woke me up, and calmed me to the best of her abilities. I wish I could thank her, but I was so out of it I didn’t even catch her name. I’m not sure if I would even recognize her if I saw her again. Oh well.”

“I’m sorry you had to go through that. I wish I had been here. Maybe I’ll meet the girl sometime, and I can thank her for you. In the meantime let me do your hair.”

Morgana gave a pleased smile, and walked to the vanity elegantly. It also concerned Gwen that her best friend could go from teary eyed to carefree smiling instantly.

“How do you want it?”

“A braid. Best for traveling.”

Gwen nodded and started brushing the knots out of the tangled hair. Morgana hummed contentedly, she loved getting ready for the day, being dressed up. Suddenly an amused smile spread across her face.

“You know Gwen, without you, I think I would probably look quite the mess. I can’t imagine I would ever bother brushing my hair. It’s always a tedious task.”

“Luckily the day you have to mange that yourself is a very unlikely one to ever occur.”

Morgana gave a slightly self-deprecating chuckle, and met Gwen’s eyes in the mirror.

“Are you ready to visit my homeland?”

“It sounds exciting.”

“Arthur hopes not. You should have heard him yesterday, talking about peaceful solutions. I didn’t think he even knew such a thing existed.” Gwen was surprised by the harsh, slightly derisive, note in her voice, but registered the reluctant respect it was covering up a beat later.

“He’s growing up.” Gwen tried to keep the pride out of her voice. Her hands were steady from years of practice, but she had to concentrate to keep her pace from slowing. She didn’t want Morgana to notice her interest in the topic at hand.

“Uther said something similar. Personally, I don’t see it. I think the prat would just rather stay here strutting about, then help me.”

“Oh, you don’t really think that.”

“Yes, I do.”

Morgana sounded like she was trying to convince herself more than anyone else. Gwen didn’t understand why Morgana always tried to see the worst in people. Morgana liked to fancy herself realistic, but Gwen always thought that the Lady seemed more like someone who used to be incredibly hopeful, but had had the world turned upside down on her.

What she needed to give her faith that everything would turn out okay, was a cause. When Morgana had a cause to fight for she was happiest. No matter what the cost, no matter what she had to do, when Morgana was fighting she was at her best.

In a way Gwen was almost thankful for this Cornwall dilemma, it gave Morgana a challenge, something meaningful to do. When she went too long without doing something she either got restless and caused trouble or she grew solemn, unhappy. This whole thing could also turn out to be a curse. If there really was trouble, and she somehow lost Cornwall Gwen didn’t know what Morgana would do. While she was at her best when she had her cause she was also at her worst.

Even though she was at top form Gwen was aware that Morgana was also capable of dark things when she had a goal. She was insanely stubborn, had a one-track mind, and her morals were questionable, most of the time. Sometimes it was a disturbing combination, and Gwen didn’t always feel safe around Morgana.

She was usually able calm herself with the knowledge that Morgana generally meant well. She wasn’t a bad person, in fact she often did her best to do the right thing. When Morgana was destructive it wasn’t for no reason at all, it was just that her reasons were either flimsy or made no sense to anyone other than herself.

Morgana could be generous, she was often very kind. She would give up her food when there was famine, she would help the wounded, she would save a child from execution (well, try. Arthur, and Merlin ended up doing at least half the work), and she would spend the night chained to a wall in a cell for speaking out against the murder of her maids father.

After she did things like that how could Gwen harbor any suspicions against her friend?

“We should head out. Arthur is sure to be irritated enough with us by now. We’re a bit late.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So, did you guys enjoy this chapter? I’ll try to get updates done fairly regularly. I actually planned this story out, which surprised even me.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin

 

“Where are they? It only takes me minutes to leave, and Morgana had all night.” Arthur was pacing in front of the stone steps. He seemed nervous, and it was making the guards and knights restless.

Merlin found it amazing how many people it took for one Lady to visit her childhood home. It was almost a small army. When Merlin said as much to Arthur, the Prince had scoffed and said ‘Morgana takes more men when she visits her fathers grave’. It made the Warlock wonder why that would be. Shouldn’t you take more men when going someone new? Arthur answered that question too, without even having to be asked, ‘because we are going on a peace mission. At least to begin with. Bringing a mass of armed men can be seen as an aggressive gesture.’

“I’m here. I didn’t mean to worry you, your highness.” Morgana’s voice was dripping with sarcasm. She was wearing a white shirt, black trousers, riding boots, and a mocking smile. She seemed to be in a very pleasant mood.

Uther walked down the stone steps purposefully, and stopped in front of his son.

“You know that your aim is to observe Duke Cador, and to make the crowns position, if Duke Cador insists upon quarreling with Morgana, quite clear. Avoid war if you can, but if you can’t that is acceptable. Watch out for Morgana. Protect her. Not that she needs it, in truth perhaps we should be more concerned about Cadors welfare. Good luck on your journey.”

Uther put a hand on his sons shoulder briefly, and walked away, stopping in front of Morgana.

“ I hope that your visit is satisfactory. If you need to return to Camelot, for any reason, Arthur will arrange it immediately. Oh, and Morgana, try to stay out of trouble.”

“No promises.” Morgana replied good naturedly.

Uther gave his ward a stern look, and pulled her into a warm embrace. Despite his vexation with Morgana’s flippant attitude, he seemed amused with her. He always did have a pleasant disposition whenever she was involved, until magic or the way he ran his kingdom came up. If the two topics were avoided, the two people got along very well.

When Morgana was released, Arthur helped her onto her horse. Merlin hopped onto his own, and looked up to find one of the knights helping Gwen onto hers. Arthur stepped away, and mounted his, frowning at the pair irritably.

Merlin glanced at Morgana, and was surprised to see her looking at Arthur thoughtfully, and then carefully examining Gwen the same way. Morgana caught him staring at her, and her expression went from calculating, and near suspicious to content, and arrogant.

They had ridden out the gates before Merlin realized that the reason Morgana might have given him that smug grin was because she thought he was interested in her. The thought made him blush, and he was thankful that no one, Arthur in particular, was really paying him any attention.

Merlin knew that Morgana would probably tease him over it later, but he consoled himself by reasoning that by distracting Morgana he may have saved Arthur and Gwen’s secret. Not that Morgana would ever try to hurt Gwen or Arthur, but it was just better that she was unaware of any affection between the maid and the Prince. The less people who know, the better.

* * *

 

By evening Merlin was more than ready to make camp, and sleep. It was apparent that Gwen, the knights, and the guards felt the same. Unfortunately, the leaders of the expedition didn’t seem the least bit fatigued. They were also horrible about thinking of others, as evidenced by the fact that it apparently hadn’t crossed Arthur or Morgana’s mind that not everyone had boundless energy, strength, and resilience. They were still bantering, and bickering loudly with no sign of stopping any time soon. It really didn’t look like they were going to stop for the day until they couldn’t see the ground in front of them.

Merlin had tactfully tried to suggest they stop, by complaining, and using every idiomatic insult he could think of, but the nobles were blind to the manservant’s suffering. It wasn’t until Gwen said the same thing, albeit using a few more agreeable words and cajoling phrases, that they picked up on the lateness of the day, and the worn-out state of their traveling companions. It was quickly agreed that the first clearing to be found was to be their campsite for the night.

“I’m sorry, Gwen. I didn’t realize that everyone else was having such a time. Why didn’t anyone say anything?”

Arthur looked genuinely confused and concerned, as he addressed Gwen. He and Morgana were sitting side by side on a fallen log, and were drinking from their water skins as everyone around them setup camp. Gwen was helping Merlin collect firewood.

“Unbelievable!” Merlin burst out as soon as Arthur finished speaking.

“What now, _Mer_ lin?” Arthur rolled his eyes as he turned towards his manservant.

Merlin set to work building the fire as he answered.

“Nothing, nothing. There is no reason that I might be upset. Even if I was it’s not like you would listen to me anyway. I’m fine.”

Arthur was completely befuddled by now, and turned to Gwen and Morgana for some translation of Merlin’s behavior. Gwen made a face that very clearly stated ‘I am not getting in the middle of this’. Morgana, on the other hand, was clearly enjoying the spectacle and answered Arthur’s silent question.

“ I think that Merlin is under the impression that you don’t listen to him. I do believe that Merlin mentioned something earlier about stopping for the day. Right before Gwen, if I remember correctly.”

Morgana’s tone made it very clear that she remembered very well. She had that suspicious look on her face again. Arthur contemplated Morgana’s words, and turned back to Merlin after a moment. His face was serious.

“Merlin… you are such a girl!”

Merlin rolled his eyes, and sighed in exasperation. Apparently, Arthur had completely missed what Morgana was implying. Gwen did not.

“Arthur!” Morgana tried to sound stern, but she was laughing to hard to sound reprimanding in any way.

“Morgana.” Gwen did a much better job as she addressed her employer. Morgana gave Merlin sucha contrite smile that Merlin felt his irritation with the Pendragons ebb away.

“A repentant smile isn’t a real apology milady.” Gwen informed Morgana kindly.

“Why should I apologize? Arthur is the one who said it.” Morgana looked near scandalized at being asked to admit to a wrong, and then accusing as she gestured to the Prince.

Arthur blushed as Gwen gave him a mildly disapproving frown. Arthur coughed and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. Merlin couldn’t help the complacent smirk that was spreading across his face as Arthur cleared his throat and looked at Gwen, then at his manservant before speaking.

“ I should pay more attention when you whine incessantly. I’m sorry.”

“Thanks. I know you can’t help being a dollop head.”

Merlin gave Arthur an impertinent grin, and ducked behind a large knight as Arthur looked around for something to throw at him. Gwen stepped between Arthur and Merlin as she started on supper, effectively ending any thoughts Arthur entertained about injuring his servant without leaving his seat.

　

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, and the other, of course


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin

Morgana opened her eyes slowly, it was the first night of uninterrupted sleep she’d had in weeks. Which was actually kind of unusual now that she thought about it, considering that she had spent the night on the damp ground. Regardless, she was reluctant to abandon it in order to start a new day.

She was glad that she hadn’t frightened the men with her, sometimes, intense reaction to her dreams. Gwen would have been the only one with any clue about what to do, if she had started screaming, thrashing around, and talking gibberish.

She almost smiled as she imagined the panicked faces of the oh so noble, brave, knights of Camelot. They would most likely be wondering which one of them, if not all, would be blamed if anything happened to the Kings Ward. They would probably react even worse than the last unfortunate maid who had found herself over her head when trying to wake her from one of her night terrors.

Morgana turned over onto her side, and glanced at the woman asleep in the bedroll beside her. It was probably the first time that Morgana had ever woken up before Gwen. Well, not counting when nightmares woke her up, or the days that she just didn’t sleep.

It probably shouldn’t surprise her that Gwen was sleeping later today. Yesterday had been long, and Gwen had seemed troubled last night. At first Morgana had assumed that it was because of the light sprinkling of rain that had started after dinner. No one wants to sleep in the rain, despite the decent shelter the trees gave, and the warm weather.

Morgana certainly didn’t, and had a few knights throw some blankets over a few branches to create a tent like structure for Morgana and her maid to sleep under. This had troubled Gwen deeply, even though the knights had seemed happy to do it. Something about there being a certain number of blankets packed for a certain number of people, and someone being cold. Truth be told, Morgana hadn’t paid her friends lecture much thought. She had enough on her mind without adding whatever scruples Gwen had on top of it.

Between her nightmares, the strange things that happened around her, her growing fear and isolation, her assuming cousin, her annoying almost adopted brother, her patience with Uther waning, and her secret fear of everyone turning against her; she just didn’t have the time for anyone else. It wasn’t like they ever wasted much thought on her. Even Gwen, who had always put her best friend first, was drifting away. Well, if no one else was going to think of her, than Morgana would just have to think of herself.

After a moment or so more of brooding, Morgana was finally lured out of the makeshift tent by the busy sounds of the men packing up. She didn’t like missing anything, and was anxious to leave as soon as possible. She was ready to see Cornwall.

She sat down across from Arthur, and waited patiently for Merlin to get rations. It was a surprisingly nice morning. If she concentrated, she could just barely smell salt on the breeze. They were getting close to her former home.

“Good morning, my lady.”

Merlin grinned at her, more cheerfully than one would expect so early in the day.

“Good morning Merlin.”

Morgana gave him a small smile in return, his pleasant mood was slightly contagious.

He was handing her some bread and dried meat for breakfast when Morgana got the feeling that she was being watched. She glanced around at the densely packed trees and other foliage, but could make out nothing out of the ordinary. It was probably nothing, she had a few admirers among the knights, so if anyone was watching her it was likely to have been one of them.

Whatever the case, she hadn’t sensed any ill intent, and she generally listened to her instincts. She shrugged off her brief indulgence into a paranoid portion of her thoughts, and raised an eyebrow innocently at Merlin who was looking at her. He seemed a bit concerned. Apparently she wasn’t quite as good at hiding her emotions as she thought she was. Well, that, or Merlin was more observant than people gave him credit for.

She studied Merlin curiously for a moment, as she mulled that last thought over. He did have an oddly knowing, almost wise look about him, sometimes, when he thought no one was paying him any attention. Merlin caught her gaze, and stumbled over a twig nearly falling into Arthur’s lap, and spilt half a wineskin on top of Arthur’s head.

Morgana sighed, she was obviously an open book, and clearly needed to rectify that. As kind, brave, and loyal as Merlin is, he is still just a foolish, clumsy, serving boy. It didn’t make any sense for her to try to read more than that into it. Merlin was a better man than most even if he wasn’t the brightest one out there.

Arthur sat fuming for a long moment, all his men froze (even the ones that were trying to bite back their grins), Morgana smirked, and Merlin smiled apologetically from his position, sprawled out on the forest floor.

“Merlin you are-”

“Are what? What happened to you, My Lord?”

Gwen was apparently awake. Morgana glanced over at the place where she had slept, and saw that Gwen had packed up their things already. While busy with that, she had managed to be the only person present not to witness Merlin’s blunder.

Arthur seemed to be debating with himself. It must be very difficult for him to find a way to adequately describe his indignation and infuriation with his incompetent manservant, if the amount of time he sat there staring at Gwen without speaking was any indication. The pause was beginning to get awkwardly long. At least it felt awkward to Morgana. Arthur and Gwen didn’t seem to notice anything amiss, and Merlin seemed to have forgotten that he was in trouble if his smile was anything to go by.

Morgana snapped her fingers in front of Arthur’s face, which startled him out of his reverie, and seemed to remind him that he was supposed to be angry. He glared at Morgana for a moment then remembered that he was mad at Merlin, and answered Gwen’s question with a clenched jaw.

“Merlin poured a large quantity of wine on me.”

Arthur still looked annoyed, but his tone was calm enough, and the men gave a collective sigh of relief. They all went back to their tasks, even an intrigued looking Sir Leon. When it was just Morgana, Arthur, Gwen, and Merlin, Gwen spoke,

“I’m sure he didn’t do it on purpose.”

“No, I did not! He just overreacts to everything! You have no idea how impossible he is most of the time.”

Merlin was standing, and looking a lot more confident with Gwen on his side, for some reason. Morgana couldn’t see why Arthur would listen to her maid, it wasn’t like he had any trouble insulting or disagreeing with women, which Morgana knew from personal experience. Arthur looked murderous as he heard Merlin’s complaints, but reigned himself in as he noticed Gwen’s near defeated expression, and reluctantly addressed Merlin.

“Just get me a new shirt, and something for you to clean this up with. If you think you can do it without messing it all up.”

Merlin went off to do the Princes bidding. Gwen laid a hand on Arthur’s shoulder, and squeezed, before walking away quickly. If Morgana didn’t know any better she would think that Gwen was acting almost guilty about something.

When Gwen glanced at her furtively, as if gauging her reaction, to what Morgana didn’t have a clue, Morgana began to suspect that something was wrong. Was she missing something important? Something that the other three seemed to know, but were purposefully keeping from her. As if she was some outsider, as if she couldn’t be trusted.

Maybe it was her mind playing tricks on her. There was no way that Arthur, Merlin, and Gwen were in on a secret that they felt had to be kept from her. Arthur and Merlin might have some sort of guy thing or inside joke that she didn’t know because she was a woman, and Gwen and Merlin might have some sort of understanding or secret talks because they were both servants, but it made no sense for Arthur and Gwen to be part of some secret together. Morgana thought that she had been in the room every time the two had spoken, and they had never seemed to notice each other before.

No, there was nothing going on. Morgana knew this for certain because the other three were her friends, and therefore wouldn’t be keeping secrets from her. If they had some sort of problem they would surely know that they could come to her for help, she had never denied them her help before when they had come to her, not that she could remember. It wouldn’t make sense for them not to trust her, and yet…she definitely had a feeling that her suspicious were right.

She was being excluded, and she didn’t know why. Had she done something wrong? No, that couldn’t be it. Maybe Gwen had told the boys about the strange things that had been happening to her. The odd occurrences, the things that might, possibly, be…magic.

Even in her thoughts it felt wrong, and dangerous to admit that she might have some very weak, almost nonexistent, magic. At least she hoped it was relatively weak,. If it somehow got stronger it would probably get harder than it already was to conceal.

Not that it wasn’t already a challenge. Just a few days ago a candle had lit and unlit itself, at the same time as a bowl of water started spinning, with only Gwen and Morgana in the room. Which was both good and bad. Good that Gwen was the only witness, and bad that Gwen was a witness at all. Morgana had hoped that Gwen hadn’t noticed the water or the candle, but that might have been a bit much to expect.

If Gwen had gone to Arthur and Merlin, and told them what she had seen it would explain why the three others were suddenly so close. They were clearly conspiring against her because they thought she was a witch. And nothing created a stronger bond between people than a common enemy. Then again they had had more than enough time to turn her into Uther, if it was their intention to do so.

Gwen smiled at her sheepishly, as if she was still thinking about earlier, and made her way over to the horses. Morgana got up and followed. Once everyone was ready, and the wagon attached to a few horses, they continued on their way. Arthur rode up beside her.

“You know if we just left the wagon with all your clothes and hairbrushes behind we could be there a day sooner.”

“It is not just clothes, and hairbrushes.” Morgana lied indignantly

“Really, what else is in those trunks?”

“ If your so curious about what a woman of my standing brings with her when going to stay somewhere a distance from her home, why don’t we see if we can find you a wife among the Ladies at Cornwall? I’m sure at least one of them will be interested. I mean, you are a Prince, and none of them will have the misfortune of actually knowing you.”

Arthur rolled his eyes, and then shared a look with Gwen. She nodded in understanding, as if they were sharing some wordless conversation, and Arthur rode on so that he was at the head of the procession.

They were probably just waiting for more proof. There was no way that Uther would believe the word of a servant over the word of his Ward. However, if the Crown Prince leveled accusations against her, she just didn’t know how that would turn out. She did know that she had no desire to ever be in a situation where she would have to find out.

Sure, Uther regularly told her how loved she was, but those were simply words, and words were often empty. Morgana knew how easy it was to lie. You can say whatever you like, little of it can be proven, as long as your careful. There is no real way to tell what a person is thinking.

The closest you could come to reading a persons thoughts is by looking at a persons actions, the reason why someone would do something is of little to no importance as you are unlikely to find a completely honest answer.

No matter how close you come to the truth, it is nearly impossible to know the full story as far as anything is concerned. So you have to rely on the actions of another to speak for oneself rather than pay too much heed to whatever comes out of their mouths.

Based on the way Uther had treated her and everyone else in Camelot for over twenty years it was probably safe to say that he would not tolerate a sorceress living under his roof. It might be different if Arthur was the one with this…gift. Arthur was Uther’s son and heir, it would make sense for Uther, to maybe, forgive Arthur for having this sort of malady.

Camelot must come before all else, when you are a Pendragon. If Arthur had magic, and could keep it to himself, than Uther would be more lenient to him than to anyone else in the Kingdom. While Morgana believed that Uther cared for her, she was also well aware that she was not truly family.

Uther had only taken her in because he promised her father, Gorlois, to look after her. He had made that abundantly clear on multiple occasions. She was not the heir to the throne, the future of Camelot. She was not Uther’s legacy, and she didn’t see any reason that Uther wouldn’t treat her as he had so many others.

Anyway, as she had no control whatsoever of her powers, if that’s what they were, it seemed that she only had two options before her. She could try to keep a good distance from her friends, so that if anything unusual did happen, they would not be around to witness it. Her other option would be to trust her friends to keep her secret, and hope for the best.

　

* * *

 

Gwen tried not to let her anxiety show, but she feared that her best efforts were laughable. Morgana was riding beside her, just behind Arthur, and was even more reserved than usual. She answered politely enough when addressed, but her tone was chilly, and didn’t invite conversation. Morgana was particularly cool to Arthur and Merlin, and she hadn’t even made eye contact with her best friend. She’d been in a mood since morning, and Gwen had a sinking feeling that she knew why.

Morgana had clearly noted the interaction between the maid and the prince. It was the only explanation that Gwen had come to that made any sense. For the first hour Gwen had assumed that maybe it was the idea of going back to Cornwall finally hitting her, and Morgana was just strategizing, but that didn’t explain why she should be almost resentful towards her only friends, and amiable, if a bit aloof, towards everyone else.

It hurt that Morgana would react so bitterly to the idea that her foster brother, and her best friend might have feelings for one another. Gwen had always known that Morgana wouldn’t be overly pleased with a maid for a potential almost sister-in-law, even if it was someone who she had called the closest thing she had to a sister already.

Gwen didn’t think that the idea of a maid and a prince would particularly offend Morgana if it was in some other kingdom, it would probably even amuse her. She would enjoy the scandal, and perhaps even say a word or two in the couples defense. When it came down to it though, it was doubtful that she would understand it. Why a maid and a prince would want to be together or what the two could possibly have in common.

Love and friendship were things that generally alluded Morgana, not to say that she didn’t love, she just didn’t love particularly well, or easily. She had difficulty paying attention or caring about things that didn’t have to do with her. As for friendship, well there was a reason her friends were two servants, who pretty much had to do whatever she said, and her almost brother. She could be witty, charming, almost magnetic, and complimentary, but while she inspired loyalty and followers with those traits, friendship was different.

Morgana had a few misconceptions about herself, one of them being that she was an understanding person. She would have been insulted if anyone accused her of being closed minded or, worse still, set in her ways. She could probably come up with a hundred arguments and examples that supported her position. Whatever Morgana may feel, say, or argue in regards to the matter, it was true.

Once Morgana made up her mind about something, or someone, it was near impossible to change her mind. Morgana had been raised to think a certain way, and that’s how she thought. Her sense of self entitlement was nearly as strong. Even if she herself didn’t realize it.

Morgana believed that nobles were nobles and that servants were servants. She had accepted this truth, and naturally supported it, as this way of thinking and acting had made her one of the most wealthy, and important people in the five kingdoms. She was basically royalty through no virtue or effort of her own, and if she felt that this was wrong, that things should be done differently, then everyone who knew her would be very aware of her opinion on the matter.

Morgana was vocal, to say the least, even when Gwen wished that she would just keep her thoughts to herself. As it was Morgana was a strong supporter of the aristocracy, and enjoyed the rights given to her. The idea that Arthur would marry beneath him, and that the person he wished to marry used to work for her, would be outrageous to her. The thought that her maid might become her Queen would probably be enough to end their friendship.

She wouldn’t be the only one against it either. Every noble in Camelot would probably be horrified, Gwen just hoped that they wouldn’t be angry enough to rebel against Arthur. Gwen knew that Uther would not tolerate even the idea of it for a moment. He was more likely to try to have her executed…again.

Gwen wasn’t sure what she should do about the whole situation. How should she react if Morgana knew? Should she pretend that she didn’t know that Morgana knew? Or would that make things worse? What if Morgana was merely suspicious, and didn’t _really_ know what was going? If Gwen went to talk to her about it, she might simply confirm those suspicions, and wreck everything.

Okay, the first thing she should do is tell Arthur. He had a right to know that their secret was in danger, and it wasn’t like Morgana couldn’t keep a secret. So it would be best to discuss things with Arthur. Or was she just trying to convince herself of that because she wanted to put off a confrontation with Morgana for as long as possible? No, it was right to tell Arthur first. His whole future would be determined by the choices they make now, not Morgana’s. She could be as sulky as she liked, she was not going to make this all about her.

A scout Arthur had sent ahead came hurtling through the trees, and raised a hand in a ‘don’t come any further’ gesture, and raised his other hand to his lips, and mimed a shushing sound. Everyone stopped, and the man tiptoed to Arthur, wincing at the slightest of noises.

He opened his mouth presumably to relay whatever it was that had him so serious, when the other scout showed up about a 100 paces before the group, and shouted, his voice slicing through the ominous silence, and making almost everyone jump.

“Did you tell them about the bandits that were following us? I think we lost them, but they could be anywhere near by!”

The young man, the boy really, looked immensely proud of himself for a moment. He seemed to think he was quite the hero for coming back to warn everyone. His enthusiasm began to wane as he noticed the reaction of everyone else.

His brow furrowed in confusion as Arthur and the other scout waved their arms frantically, in a ‘please, I’m begging, just be quiet’ way, but the boy just shook his head, obviously not understanding what the others were trying to tell him. He cupped his hands to shout again when a crossbow bolt tore through his stomach.

Arthur, and the knights and guards drew their swords. The foolish young scout who had accidentally led the bandits right to them, stood staring at the wound, surprised, and dropped to his knees. A moment later Gwen lost sight of him as the enemy rushed over the spot where he had just stood.

Gwen glanced at Morgana, and for a moment, they understood each other. She saw her pity for the scout, and her fear of what was to come reflected back at her. That moment gave Gwen hope that things could be patched up between them, and she felt almost relieved, even amidst all the chaos about her.

That is until she saw the men trying to surround them. There were twice as many of them as there were of Arthur’s men, but the men of Camelot seemed to be holding their own. Gwen heard Morgana give a startled shout as her horse was cut down from under her, and she was pinned beneath it.

Gwen looked for Arthur, and found him in the thick of it. She was going to shout to him about Morgana, but she noticed that Arthur was already, slowly, but surely, making his way to Morgana. He was intercepted at every turn, and Gwen realized that Morgana was probably going to be killed before he was able to get to her.

Gwen hopped from her horse, intending to help Morgana herself. Before she had taken a single step, one of the attackers swung at Morgana, she managed to roll out from under the horse, and avoid the blow intended for her. Gwen thought she saw a flash of gold, but it was probably just a reflection from one of the swords, or armor.

The man swung again, and Gwen was devastated to know that she might be about to witness the death of her best friend, there was nothing she could do. A sword came out of nowhere, and struck the man who threatened Morgana. He crumpled in a heap, and was trampled beneath the hooves of the mounted warrior who had protected Morgana.

The warrior was not one of Arthur’s knights, Gwen didn’t know who it could be. She was just glad that the warrior was apparently on their side, and had great timing. If it bothered Morgana that she didn’t know who her savior was, it didn’t show. As soon as the mysterious armor clad figure held out a hand Morgana took it, and the sword of her almost murderer, and swung up onto the saddle behind her protector.

Gwen scrambled back to her horse, and rode behind a line of men who were steadily pushing the aggressors back. Arthur, Morgana, and Morgana’s savior were at the front, hacking away at the enemy. Merlin ran behind a tree, and avoided being crushed by a large branch by seconds. The man chasing him wasn’t so lucky.

Gwen saw that the help of the stranger was decisive. The stranger seemed to be having no difficulty, sometimes fighting two men at a time, and cutting them down easily. Even Arthur was beginning to look impressed. When there were only a handful of the enemy left, they turned and ran. Arthur looked tempted to follow, but ultimately decided to stay, and check on the wounded of his own men.

Nobody on our side, other than that young scout, were killed, most of the injuries were minor. There was one man who received a wound to the leg, and would probably have to ride on the wagon with Morgana’s, and a few of Arthur’s, things. She hoped that Morgana would be tactful enough to avoid asking the man to make sure he didn’t get his blood on her stuff, but knew not to hold her breath.

Arthur started walking towards her, obviously concerned, but Gwen shook her head, and mouthed ‘I’m fine’.

Arthur nodded, but looked slightly disgruntled that she didn’t want to take the opportunity presented, to talk to him. Which wasn’t the case at all. Gwen just didn’t want to risk drawing attention to the fact that the Prince of Camelot was very concerned about his father’s Wards maid.

Gwen turned to the general direction that she had last seen Morgana at. She wondered if Morgana had seen Arthur’s slip. She was sure to be on the lookout now that she suspected that there may be some affection between Arthur and herself.

When Gwen finally caught sight of Morgana, she realized that she didn’t have anything to fear, as the mysterious stranger had Morgana’s undivided attention. They seemed to be talking, though Gwen couldn’t hear what they were saying. The hero got off the horse, and held out a hand to help Morgana.

Arthur walked over to the two, raised an eyebrow as he noticed that Morgana and her savior were still holding hands, and cleared his throat to get their attention. Both heads snapped up at the sound, and they looked at Arthur. Well, Gwen assumed that the stranger was looking at Arthur. You couldn’t really tell because of the helmet. The eye slit was facing Arthur’s general direction, at least. That was encouraging.

“I owe you thanks. You saved the life of someone very dear to me, and your help may have preserved the lives of several of my men. If you are traveling the same way as us, I would like you to join us. It would be a lot easier to repay you if I had a chance to save your life. Will you do us the honor of temporarily becoming part of our band?”

The Stranger nodded.

“It would be easier on everyone if you would show your face. Maybe even tell us your name?”

Morgana started laughing in a way that said that she knew something nobody else did.

“You’d think so, wouldn’t you?”

Everyone exchanged looks of confusion, and the Stranger pulled away from Morgana, and held out a hand to Arthur. He clasped it briefly, and the Mystery Warrior stepped back, and removed the metal helmet. Long blonde hair tumbled down, and a woman with tan skin, and brown eyes straightened up.

“My name is Morgause."

　

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: You know, I always thought that a lot of trouble on Merlin could have been avoided if there had been a little more communication going on. No one ever talked to anyone about anything. Now Gwen thinks that Morgana has found out about Arwen, and Morgana, of course, thinks the whole things is about her.
> 
> I don’t care if you hated Morgause, you have to admit that she had one of the best entrances on the show, and I hope that I did her justice.
> 
> Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin

Merlin was feeling a little awkward. It wasn’t the temperature, though it was on the cold side, it wasn’t the hours of riding, it wasn’t the salty breeze that stung his face, or the demanding task of serving a group of knights with just himself and Gwen, and it wasn’t the nights spent sleeping on the forest floor. The problem was that he wasn’t sure how to react to the presence of the new addition to their rather large group.

To be honest, Morgause didn’t really bother him. Sure, she wasn’t overly friendly to anyone who wasn’t a noble, but she still treated him and Gwen better than most of the knights. She was independent and didn’t seem to enjoy asking for anything, even if it was just from a servant. More than that, she didn’t like having strangers underfoot or going through her things, even if they were catering to her.

She was polite to the knights, but in a patronizing offhand sort of way that they hated, but weren’t sure how to deal with. Some asked each other if they were allowed to challenge her to single combat, but they all vetoed the idea. They agreed that Morgause was a woman, so it would not be chivalrous to harm her.

For all their talk and rationalizing, Merlin was pretty sure they were all mostly afraid of being beaten by a girl in front of everyone. Plus she was a favorite of the Kings Ward, and Merlin was certain that having Morgana tell Uther that his knights were running around hurting her friends was not in their best interests. So, they gritted their teeth, avoided Morgause, and grumbled about Morgana’s strange choice of companions.

The friendship made sense to Merlin after a bit, the more he thought about it, even if he was surprised at first. I mean her only other friends were a Prince, a manservant/physicians apprentice, and her maid. Morgause had saved her life, and they seemed to have a lot in common if you measured by the amount of time they spent talking and smiling at each other.

Morgana seemed especially amused and pleased by the full armor Morgause chose to wear the entire first day. She made several arch comments about it to Gwen, who blushed and shook her head in a helpless, exasperated, way. Morgana and Morgause definitely had a similar attitude in their treatment of others. Surprisingly kind, generous, and protective towards those they favored; condescending, impatient, and completely lacking in empathy towards those they disliked or even just didn’t care for one way or the other.

The only people Morgause seemed to have any hint of real respect for were Arthur and Morgana. Merlin didn’t know if she was acting that way because the two were the highest ranked persons there, their fighting skills, a genuine regard for them, or if it was something else entirely. Morgause wasn’t exactly easy to read.

Everyone else was though. Arthur had mixed feelings to be putting it mildly. Most of the time he was irritable, and easily angered, blowing up over everything. Sometimes he was solemn, and distracted. Least often, he would ask, almost disbelievingly, if Morgause had really fought off their attackers as well as he had. Merlin didn’t think his little outbursts were just about Morgause though, as Gwen hadn’t spoken to him in two days. When Merlin hinted at this, Arthur went on a whole rant about Morgause. He seemed determined to prove Merlin wrong.

He went on and on about how he felt he had been tricked. That Morgause had to have known that Arthur had been under the impression that she was some brave knight errant, and had taken advantage. She grossly mistreated his knights. She had a suspicious look to her. What was she doing traveling alone, and where had she come from?

None of his protests held any conviction or real anger. Every time he and Morgause spoke, Arthur was respectful, and even interested. She knew all about sword fighting, armor, hunting, and complimented Arthur on his skill, without fawning after him or stroking his ego. Arthur would have probably listened to her more, and gotten over his petulance by now, if she spoke to him more. Most of her conversation was reserved for Morgana.

 Though, Merlin did see Morgause studying Arthur on more than one occasion. Some of the questions she asked him were a bit odd as well. What would he do in this situation, how he would react to if he found out that, what are his opinions regarding this? It was as if she was trying to figure him out, trying to find out if he was worthy. Of what Merlin didn’t know. Maybe, just worthy in general. How good a man he was? Or perhaps, how good a King he will make.

Arthur seemed to be growing, almost, fond of her, treating her as a friend more than an acquaintance. His tumultuous disposition and his determination to place blame for that attitude on an innocent party made Merlin more sure than ever that his mood was about Gwen. Arthur just refused to admit it. Morgause was not the problem, she was just a scapegoat. At least for Arthur.

The knights were divided on this issue of the mysterious Morgause. They were divided on most issues, mostly because the majority of knights like to bicker and fight over almost anything, normally their honor. However the arguments were getting more intense than normal. To make matters even more difficult, both sides seemed to have members that were grudgingly smitten with her.

Half were ashamed to have been shown up by a woman, and tried not to seem too embarrassed if they accidentally caught her eye. They seemed to brush it off, eventually. A couple of them even asked her about her training and how they could improve. Morgause was surprised, but pleased, and proved to be an excellent teacher.

The few who had asked for her tutoring were treated with utter disdain by the other half of the knights, who were bitterly angry. They didn’t like owing their lives to Morgause. They didn’t like that Arthur had invited her to join their journey, and they didn’t like that after a day and a half she was still here.

They had passed two villages and multiple paths that she could have taken, and left them at, but Morgause didn’t seem to consider any of them. She seemed perfectly content to travel with them all the way to Cornwall. It probably wasn’t a bad idea. With the way that Morgana treated her, she might not be amiss in suspecting that she would be sleeping in a castle with servants attending to her every need, if she stuck with the younger woman.

It was probably worth a few days on the road to try, especially given that Morgause didn’t seem to have anything better to do than hang around Arthur and Morgana. From what Merlin could discern from her excessively vague comments regarding her history and current lifestyle, she already traveled a lot and didn’t seem to have any family or anyone else to answer to. If she wanted to, she could spend months lounging about Cornwall, and living off Morgana’s hospitality with nothing to lose.

If Morgause noticed the hostility or tension she invoked in, well, just about everyone, she didn’t show it. Even Gwen, while not hostile, seemed nervous around the blonde woman. Not exactly frightened, but she would probably breath easier the moment Morgause left.

Gwen had confided that she was mostly worried about Morgana. The Kings Ward seemed to be the one Morgause spent most of her time on, and Morgana was acting out of character around her. Morgana was trying harder than usual to be agreeable, and seemed almost desperate for approval one moment, and reclusive the next.

It was as if she had finally found someone who understood her, and she would spill out things she had never told anyone else. Then would get embarrassed by her eagerness or felt that she had revealed more than she ought to have, and tried to put space between herself and her new friend. It didn’t really work, as the next time Morgause approached her the process would repeat itself.

Gwen didn’t seem to like it one bit. At first she had seemed pleased that Morgana was making a friend that wasn’t a relative or worked for her, but that didn’t last more than a few hours. She didn’t trust Morgause, and acted almost like she thought the swordswoman would be a bad influence on Morgana.

It was as if Gwen was Morgana’s mother. Morgana was her young, naïve, impressionable, daughter. Morgause was playing the part of the child several houses down that was always getting into trouble, and who your parents tell you not to have anything to do with. Morgana had a slightly rebellious streak, so naturally, enjoyed the presence of Morgause the more worried Gwen acted.

Merlin had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing as Gwen walked up to Arthur. It was the first time she had spoken to him in two days, and his reaction was priceless. His expressions changed almost to quickly to see, shocked, pleased, angry, annoyed, and finally settled on trying to look completely nonchalant. He didn’t succeed, but he was trying.

Merlin couldn’t hear what they were saying, but as Gwen gestured to Morgana and Morgause, who were sitting on a horse blanket side by side, eating breakfast, and whispering conspiratorially, it wasn’t hard to guess what the topic of conversation was. It looked like mother figure Gwen had gone to the oblivious father to deal with Morgana.

The analogy was a bit of a paradox when you think about it. Or maybe it was just ironic? Merlin puzzled over that for a moment. Morgana was the eldest of their little group, and she was normally the troublesome friend. So, which did that make it? Either, neither, or both?

* * *

 

Arthur was confused. And a little upset. When Guinevere had decided to stop giving him the silent treatment, he was expecting an explanation or even an apology. Maybe even a demand for an apology. He didn’t know why he was being pushed away. Merlin had speculated that she was mad at him, but Arthur honestly didn’t remember doing anything wrong.

Now, after all the stress and doubt she had heaped upon him, the thing she wants to talk about is…Morgana. So what if Morgana had made a new friend? Who cared? And what business was it of anyone else who Morgana chose to favor?

Morgause, while not Arthur’s favorite person, had his respect thus far. She was strong, capable, and seemed to have a code of honor. It would make things less difficult if she had turned out to be a knight, even one from a kingdom that they had less than friendly relations with, and not a woman dressed as a man, who may or may not have been following them. She didn’t appear to mean harm to anyone, least of all Morgana.

He didn’t know why Guinevere was worried, Morgana could look after herself. She wasn’t a child. Not only that, but though Arthur would rather undergo torture than admit it, Morgana was normally the one looking out for him. Arthur didn’t even see anything weird going on. So Morgana and Morgause had gotten close faster than might be expected, wasn’t that something that happened with girls a lot? Like all their sharing feelings or whatever made a strong connection after a few deep talks?

“What do you want me to do about it? I can’t just send Morgana to her chambers. And not just because we happen to be in a forest.”

“ I’m not sure. Just help me distract her, keep her occupied. Morgause will leave sooner or later.”

“Keep her occupied? She isn’t one of my dogs Guinevere, that won’t work for long. A couple hours maybe, if she doesn’t get bored of us first. Or if I can stand to be around her for that long. Love the woman, but after listening to her snide comments for more than five minutes, she kind of makes me want to gag her, tie her to a tree, and ride away. Far, far, away.”

“Do you have a better idea?”

“No. What’s the problem with Morgause, anyway?”

“I just don’t trust her. She gives me a bad feeling.”

“A bad feeling? Now you sound like Morgana, and when have her bad feelings ever amounted to anything? Are you sure you aren’t the one we should be worried about?” Arthur raised an eyebrow at Guinevere, crossed his arms over his chest, and leaned against the trunk of the tree behind him. He hoped he looked casual. He didn’t want her to know how annoyed and skeptical he was at that moment, now that she was talking to him again.

From her expression, he wasn’t doing all that great. Which surprised him since he knew he could be subtle when he needed to be. Guinevere was getting good at reading him apparently. The thought was a pleasing one, and though he would never admit it, a bit nerve-wracking.

Arthur looked away awkwardly, and kicked at a rock. It hit Merlin, who looked to the grey sky as if that’s where a stone would have come from.

“You’re mad at me.” Guinevere sighed and nodded, almost unbearably understanding.

“No. I’m not angry. I don’t know if you noticed, but being angry at you is one of the only things I’m not good at. I’m just sort of irritated. I’m not used to being ignored. Is this another of your lessons on humility and respecting others?”

“It isn’t. I swear. I wasn’t trying to ignore you into good behavior. I just started getting worried that people might notice that we were spending time together. It’s not like when were at Camelot, in the big castle where everyone is busy with their own lives and work.

“You’re the Prince, the leader of all these men, and they are all looking to you all the time. Unfortunately, their not the only ones I’m afraid will notice anything. I think Morgana is suspicious, or was until Morgause showed up. She seems to have forgotten about it since then.”

“So, the presence of Morgause is beneficial to us, and you still want her to go?”

“She did come at a good time, but she isn’t a permanent solution. She might be a nice diversion for now, your right about that, however, I’m not comfortable relying on her. I think she has some sort of scheme. I don’t know what she could be planning, but I know I won’t rest easy until she is long gone.”

Arthur considered Guinevere for a long moment. He trusted her, and knew that she had more sense than anyone else in his acquaintance, and wanted to help her, but he wasn’t sure how. He hated that she was uncomfortable, but it was difficult to find a solution that would satisfy everyone.

He couldn’t just send Morgause away because a pretty girl asked him to, and said that she had a bad feeling about her. What kind of excuse was that? Even the men that disliked Morgause, which was almost all of them, would be baffled. Which would draw attention to the fact that he was letting a serving girl tell him what to do. Particularly, letting a serving girl tell him to send away a woman of noble birth. No one really knew what rank Morgause held, but it was pretty obviously not a low one.

If Morgana really noticed as much as Guinevere thought she might, that would be a problem as well. Morgana might not be inclined to keep her mouth shut if she noticed, not after they chased away her new best friend. Morgana’s loyalty could be precarious at times, particularly after she didn’t get her own way.

Though Arthur was fairly certain that the absence of Morgause wouldn’t cost Morgana any emotional pain. She would be more irritated that they were taking something away from her. Taking a possession of hers or telling her that she couldn’t do something was just asking for all kinds of trouble. And quite a few headaches.

Guinevere and Morgana’s friendship would suffer as well. Morgana would feel betrayed. Guinevere would end up guilt ridden or justified, but still sad about the loss of her friend. If it got really bad she might lose her job as well. Of course, Arthur would make sure that she found some other employment in the castle, if she wanted him to, but he knew that it would still hurt her deeply if Morgana reacted that badly.

It would also change their whole group. There would be no more of the four of them, himself, Merlin, Guinevere, and Morgana, spending time together. The two might even expect him to choose sides. He knew that he would stand by Guinevere, but turning his back on Morgana would still be painful to say the least.

It was almost unthinkable, and he could only hope that things never got that far. That he and Morgana never had to end up on two different sides. Arthur didn’t want to see either woman in pain. Or Merlin who would probably mope around like a kicked puppy if this happened. Unless he went to the opposite extreme, and acted even more annoyingly cheerful than usual, as some sort of denial.

He could tell Morgause to leave without explanation, but that still left most of the problems he had just gone over. And he would feel like more of a jerk than ever. Kicking Morgause out of their group after her help before felt disreputable. He was the one who invited her, even if it was before he found out that she was a woman, the fact remained.

It would be dishonorable to take his word back now, especially since she hadn’t actually done anything wrong yet. If he was being honest with himself, she had only done good by them so far. She saved several lives, and Morgana hadn’t been this happy in months.

If he did make her leave now, he wasn’t sure he would ever be able to forgive himself. He would be making a woman, an ally up to this point, travel alone through a dangerous area, as this one was proven to be by their recent brush with bandits. Morgause was not by any means defenseless, but still.

Hopefully, Morgause would just randomly decide it was time for her to leave. Or Morgana might just get bored of her soon. Perhaps they could have some sort of argument, and Morgause will walk away or maybe Morgana will dismiss her.

Neither scenario seemed likely, as Morgause had made multiple inquiries about Cornwall, and seemed interested in visiting there herself. At least as long as the Camelot party were there. On Morgana’s side, she was much to vain to send away someone who had so many common interests with her, and who chose to dote on her. Morgause listened to all of her thoughts and opinions with, not only a complete lack of judgment, but with complete compassion.

She also provided his almost, sort of, sister with intelligent conversation, while tending to agree with almost everything she said. Arthur didn’t know whether she honestly had a similar outlook to Morgana or if she was just being agreeable. Either way, it pleased Morgana. No wonder, really as Morgause was the only one to concur with her. Arthur and Morgana didn’t tend to see eye to eye. Uther and Morgana less so. Which was strange considering how alike Arthur had always found them to be.

Plus the name Morgause was only three letters away from the name Morgana, and Arthur was sure that Morgana held that in high regard.

Arthur would just have to, reluctantly, go with Guinevere’s suggestion. Distracting Morgana. At least until they could think of something better.

* * *

 

Morgana did her best not to act like an ill-tempered child, but it took considerable effort. She would have to congratulate herself on that later, if she managed to succeed. As it was, she might just have to be satisfied if she didn’t lose her mind before the day was done.

Arthur, Gwen, and even Merlin, had spent the entire afternoon taking turns talking to her. Normally this wouldn’t be an issue, she generally enjoyed Gwen and Merlin’s company, and speaking with them probably would have been a pleasant way to spend the day, as they rode to Tintagel. Even Arthur’s responsiveness might have been enjoyable. Teasing him was one of her favorite pastimes. Normally they would be very welcome, as it would break the monotony of the trip.

However, they were acting anything, but normal. And it was beginning to get on her nerves. If she heard another word about sword fighting, Merlin’s unique vocabulary, or flowers, she was going to scream. Loudly. For a very long time. Maybe even fatally, as she had noticed that her…abilities had a tendency to set things on fire, and or, blow them up when she was distressed. That really wouldn’t good.

It was pure luck that no one had noticed the burn the exact size and shape of her boot, on the horse that had fallen on her when they were attacked. It wasn’t a hugely noticeable mark, but there’s no way no one would have seen it if they had turned the horse over when moving it to the side of the road.

Morgana had taken the horse of the dead scout. She’d been half tempted to ride in the back of the wagon with the wounded soldier, to make sure he didn’t mess up any of her things with his blood. She would have hated riding in the wagon, though so overruled it. Most Lady’s of her rank would ride in a litter, but that always made her feel restricted, trapped. She didn’t like the direction her thoughts had turned so tuned back into what Arthur was saying, as he rode along beside her.

“-of course I beat him. He wasn’t much of a challenge, even though I was blindfolded, and my wrist was still recovering from when I sprained it at the tournament that took place just a week before the fight I was telling you about. My wrist was injured due to the force it took to unhorse Sir Leon.”

Arthur glanced Gwen’s way every time he ended a sentence. He seemed to hoping to impress her maid. Morgana rolled her eyes at her almost brother, and noticed him do the same to her. Morgana’s jaw clenched tightly and she held her breath for a moment before slowly releasing it. He had no right to be annoyed, he could walk away at any time he wanted, there was no one making him sit here bothering her.

The only reason she was still riding beside him as because she knew if she rode on ahead or dropped behind, Merlin or Gwen would just show up to replace him. She had tried several times. Morgana wasn’t sure if their current conduct meant that she was right about them spying on her or not.

The way that they kept constant watch over her pointed to yes. But after listening to their nonsense for hours, the idea that they were up to something nefarious was almost too ludicrous for words. All in all, they were making her miss Morgause more than she would have thought possible.

Morgana knew that she had difficulty connecting with other people. Sympathy for other people was even more difficult. She tried to understand it, and always tried to be conscious of others needs, but she knew that she wasn’t the most thoughtful or selfless. She didn’t expect to care so much about the older woman’s opinion of her or to enjoy her company so much, least of all so soon.

Sometimes Morgause made her wary, but not in an overly bad way. It was a lot like the feeling the druid boy Merlin had brought to her chambers, had given her. Arthur had said that his name was Mordred. They both gave her an almost alarming sense of familiarity. She wanted to be there for them, she wanted them to like her, she cared for them, and most importantly, they gave her the feeling that they cared for her too.

She had known that when or, if, Morgause went her own way, the parting would be painful, but before now she had thought that the hurt would be mild, and that she would get over her protector fairly soon.

After a brief acquaintance, and the separation of one afternoon, she realized that she felt lost without Morgause. As if something important, irreplaceable, had been ripped from her, and left a void that couldn’t be filled.

Morgana had no idea that her reaction would be so overwhelming. She might have let Morgause just leave before. Now that she’d had a taste of what it would be like without her, she was going to do everything she could to convince her to stay. In a way, she probably owed Arthur, Gwen, and Merlin. If they hadn’t annoyed her to the brink of madness, she wouldn’t have found out how much Morgause meant to her until the other woman was long gone.

There were so many things she would miss about Morgause, were she to leave. She would miss the calm certainty she spoke with, no matter what the situation was. The slight rasp of her voice. The acceptance she felt rolling off the blonde woman in waves. A comprehension of the situation she was in, that she never would have thought anyone could possess.

Morgause had hinted that she might have a bit of magic. A few offhand comments that sounded innocent enough, if you didn’t look directly into her eyes as she spoke. She had a tendency of making her brown eyes flash gold, to make sure that Morgana got her point. Which she did, eventually. The first couple of

odd comments made no impression on Morgana, as Morgana hadn’t been looking towards her when they were spoken. The third time, though, she did see, and it nearly made her fall off her horse.

She’d also been given a gold bracelet that may or not have magical qualities. Morgause didn’t say whether it did or not when she handed it to her, and Morgana was too afraid to ask. Morgause had taken it off her own wrist, and presented it to her, a half second after she mentioned that she often had nightmares.

Morgana had tried to refuse the gift, Morgause said it belonged to her mother, but Morgause had insisted, using every argument under the sun. Ultimately Morgana had relented, though not wanting to break her streak when it came to winning debates, she had only allowed herself to be persuaded into borrowing it. It helped her sleep so well that she had finally, guiltily, accepted the gift. Morgause had acted so touched and pleased that you would think that Morgana was the one who had given away a family heirloom.

As if by prior arrangement, Arthur and Gwen traded places. Gwen started off as refreshing company after Arthur’s sarcastic, arrogant, monologues, but after various repetitions of the phrase ‘it’s really a nice day isn’t it?’ Morgana was both vexed, and amazed that there were so many versions of the saying. She was certain that she now knew all of them.

Morgana turned back to Morgause, who was riding a few paces behind her. Morgause had made valiant efforts to stay by her side, but was forced back every time by Morgana’s friends, and was currently dealing with Merlin’s chatter. Generally he seemed to just be annoying her, but anytime she looked him in the eye he started fidgeting, and stuttering nervously. Morgause looked amused, in a mildly irritated sort of way, but when she caught Morgana’s eye she turned alert. It touched Morgana that Morgause grew concerned at the slightest sign of anxiety from her.

Most people didn’t even notice her troubles until she was on the edge of breaking down. Even then it wasn’t a guarantee that anyone would care or try to help her. Everyone seemed to prefer keeping their heads down, pretending that nothing was wrong until the dilemma just disappeared. The issue with that was that Morgana’s problem wasn’t going away. Quite the reverse, since her troubles just seemed to be getting worse, the longer she did nothing about them. Unfortunately, she had no clue what to do about her most dangerous subject of concern.

Perhaps it was best that nobody seemed to be looking too closely into her life. What they might find would be best left in the dark. Any worries she had besides nightmares, and whatever else was associated to them, were tolerably well where they were, and would most likely remain. Unspoken. If they were otherwise, than she might have to deal with an emotion from people that she detested above all others, excepting one. She may have to deal with pity, which made her feel weak, and was therefore abhorrent.

Strangely enough, Morgause never made her feel pitied or weak, only, simply, understood. Supported without being condescended. It was strange not to be talked down to, the way she was by Uther and Arthur, or appeased, the way servants and nobles treated the Kings Ward.

Morgause acted like an equal. Which she really shouldn’t, unless she was a member of some royal family as well, and if that family was either as strong or as respected the Pendragons. Still, it was nice. The opportunities for making friends were limited. It would be different if Igraine was alive. Noblewomen would be sending their daughters to attend to the Queen, as soon as, and for as long as they possibly could.

Without the Queen, there was no suitable chaperone for the young ladies. Sometimes when there were tournaments or other celebrations, she met young noblewomen, but they often had to leave before she really got a chance to know them. Still, Morgana kept in touch with most of them.

And, while not friends with most of the older members of Uther’s court, she still had a fair share of support from them. More than Arthur for sure, who treated them all with disdain, and boredom. Arthur made no attempt to hide his dismissive attitude towards them, unless he thought his father was looking.

Morgause was still looking worried, and trying to pass Morgana’s unofficial guards, so Morgana waved her off with a tired smile, and didn’t notice till a moment later that she was still responding to Gwen without thought. Her vague, and even nonsensical, replies didn’t seem to have any affect on her maid.

That was kind of offensive. Well, if Gwen was actually paying any more attention to whatever she was going on about than Morgana. If she was than that meant that she expected, or was used to, Morgana talking senselessly.

Morgana was about to make a callous remark that she would probably regret later, if she remembered saying it, when she heard the sound of waves and seagulls. The terrain had turned rocky a day ago, and she tasted a hint of salt every time she opened her mouth. They were close.

She had been aware that their journey would be at it’s end soon, they had been in Cornwall for some time, but it had only occurred to her now how different her old home was from Camelot. The strangest part, was that she knew that a fortnight in Tintagel would make all these distinct changes normal to her. Eventually she wouldn’t even notice them, they would become nothing extraordinary, if she stayed long enough.

She felt a pang of nostalgia that surprised her. The desire to claim what rightfully belonged to her, her magic, her friends, the traveling, and Morgause, had taken up so much of her attention that she hadn’t really processed where she was going. Now it hit her like a physical blow.

This is where she grew up.

For ten years this had been home. It was a cold, dreary, part of the world to be sure, but it possessed a past that was dear to her. A loving father, a cook saving treats for her, a strict tutor, a nurse she loved to hide from and make trouble for, the other children (mostly the offspring of servants) she laughed and played with, and in general running wild. Looking back she saw that her father was perhaps a bit more indulgent than he should have been, but she’d been happy, and healthy.

It all ended so unexpectedly, that it had taken nearly a month after she had moved to Camelot for her to cry. She thought that if she grieved, she was admitting that Gorloise was gone, and she was determined for him not to be. As if through sheer power of will she could bring him back. If she cried she was giving up on him. She always had been slightly…tenacious.

Looking back, she probably should have known what was going to happen. She’d Seen her fathers death in a dream the night before her left. She was a child then, and it was the first time she’d ever had a dream like that. The dream had been different to any she’d ever had before.

She hadn’t meant to say anything to her father, even as a child she was proud, and admitting to being afraid, especially of something that wasn’t real, was difficult for her. The whole thing had just spilt out of her when she was helping him put on his armor. She had just had a moment, looking into her fathers helmet as she handed it to him, that was so exactly like a part of her dream, that she’d dropped the helmet with a startled shout. She remembered the sound of the metal striking the stone floor, and her father asking her to tell him what was wrong.

When she finished describing her dream, with detail that surprised even herself, she looked up at her father. He hadn’t said a word during explanation. He had turned pale, and his hands trembled slightly. The thought that he might be scared as well, didn’t occur to her until years later.

At the time she had assumed that he was angry with her. Perhaps telling someone you thought they were going to die, right before they headed off to battle, wasn’t the best idea. She hadn’t considered it that way though, hadn’t meant for it to come out that way. She had just wanted someone to tell her she was wrong, that everything would be okay.

He dropped down to one knee, and took both of her small hands into his own. She remembered being able to look directly into his eyes, and being amazed, the man was her height on his knees. She remembered the callous’ and scars on his hands that tickled her own.

Gorloise was a man with a gruff voice and a booming laugh, that made most people jump the first time they heard it. It made her afraid when he started speaking to her gently, soothingly, it made her aware that something was very wrong. Something more than a silly dream.

‘Morgana, your more like your mother than you know. Do you have dreams like this often, it’s alright, you don’t have to be afraid to tell me anything.’

‘No. This was the first that was different.’

‘If you have anymore dreams like this, you must not tell anyone other than me. You must keep it to yourself, unless they get to bad to handle, and I’m not around. Some people may not understand. When I get back I will try to find a friend to help you.’

‘Is there something wrong with me?’

‘No, it’s not you. It’s everyone else. Perhaps even a curse against me for the things I’ve done in my Kings name.’

He was silent for a long moment, and weary. She had never seen him so solemn, or repentant before. Suddenly, he reached down, and grabbed his helmet. He smiled at her like nothing was wrong.

‘Your still here? Shouldn’t you be getting ready to see your old man off? You are still riding to the main road with me, aren’t you?’

‘Of course!’

Morgana rushed to her room, put her boots on, and her favorite green cloak, and raced down to the stables. She rode out to the end of the main rode with her father, his men, and a few servants who were in charge of escorting her back. Like she always did when he had to go. Uther called Gorloise away from home often, and Morgana resented the king she had never met, deeply for that, as a child.

As Morgana grew older, and years passed after his death, she learned to take pride in his accomplishments, and the respect that even those who disliked him seemed to have for him. Gorlois may have been a good man, but that didn’t prevent him from being a ruthless warrior, Uther was lucky to have had him as an ally.

Morgana could now see the castle she grew up in. They were now treading on the very road that she had parted ways with her father on. They had already passed the spot where they said their goodbyes. She hadn’t even noticed before now. The trees had grown, or been cut away, and there were a few added paths, since the last time she saw this place. It wasn’t the same. It was foolish of her to expect the place to be unchanged, for all the people to be so as well.

She wasn’t the same, that was for sure. She wondered if anyone would even recognize her. Or if anyone she knew was still alive and still here. A lot can change in the course of a year, fourteen years would mean even more.

She wondered what her father would think of her now. She hoped she had made him proud. Arthur smiled reassuringly at her, as he noticed her quiet contemplation. She wondered how her father would feel about her returning home in the company of the son of the man who had sent him to his death.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So, what do you think? Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: For anyone who actually bothers reading authors notes, I just wanted to apologize for how long it’s been since I’ve updated this story.

“It’s good to be back after so long. It is as lovely as I remember. What do you think, Gwen?” Morgana turned in her saddle to her eagerly awaiting a response.

Arthur looked over his shoulder surreptitiously, so that Gwen’s the only one who sees, curious about her response. Morgause glanced at her too, but it wasn’t as friendly as Arthur’s look had been. She seemed annoyed that Morgana wanted the opinion of a lowly servant.

“Tintagel is like nowhere I’ve ever been before, My Lady.”

Arthur gave an amused grin. It was obvious that Gwen wasn’t the only one with little love for Tintagel, but unlike everyone else, she was the one that had to answer Morgana.

Morgana nodded approvingly, but woodenly, as if she had only asked to be polite. She wasn’t really paying Gwen’s response much attention, and hadn’t caught the ‘it wasn’t really a compliment, but I’m glad you took it that way because I didn’t want to upset you with my less than impressed opinion of something you clearly cherish’ tone that Gwen’s response was spoken in.

Morgause did. Her lips thinned slightly, and she looked offended on Morgana’s behalf. Morgause was a bit overprotective. Gwen didn’t want to think about how the older woman would have reacted if Gwen had spoken in even a slightly less respectful tone. Anything that sounded remotely like criticism, condescension, or an insult towards Morgana was not taken kindly by Morgause.

Which was a bit hypocritical, since she was regularly a bit patronizing towards Morgana.

Arthur and Morgana’s insulting banter had clearly bothered the blonde woman at first, but as time went on she had seen the friendly ribbing for what it was. It seemed to make her more wary than before. Apparently she didn’t like sharing Morgana’s affection or competing for it. Even now she seemed to feel the need to add to Morgana and Gwen’s meaningless chatter.

“ It’s nice. Certainly unique. I grew up on an island, and being so near the sea reminds me of it. I can’t help but have a soft spot for this place, even though I’ve never been here before. I can see myself growing quiet fond of it, given time.” Morgause said as she scanned the landscape appraisingly.

Morgana suddenly looked fascinated by the conversation. Merlin appeared interested as well. Gwen could see why they were both so abruptly intent. It was rare to hear Morgause speak of her past, and that made it all the more intriguing. Morgana and Merlin waited for a few moments for Morgause to continue, but Morguase stayed silent, done sharing personal information for the day.

Morgana spoke up kindly, if slightly disappointed by the lack of information, “And you shall have all the time you desire. You are welcome to my home for as long as you wish”.

“You may regret that offer. What if I decide I never want to leave?” Morgause said with a warm smirk, if there was such a thing as one.

“Then I will count myself blessed to have a friend for life. Especially one so agreeable,” Morgana grinned playfully accusing towards Arthur, before turning back to Morgause, and gushing on about the wonders of Cornwall.

Gwen knew that Morgana had strange taste sometimes, but in the past that taste had always translated to pretty. Even her armor sacrificed the ability to combat a spoon, for pretty. This time was an exception. From the way that Morgana had spoken of Tintagel you would think it was the most beautiful piece of the world you could ever hope to step foot on. It wasn’t.

What it was, was dark, chilly, stony, and grey.

Basically the opposite of the paradise Morgana described. To be fair to her, Morgana hadn’t really lied. Her descriptions had always been vague, she rarely dwelt on subjects that made her feel anything too strongly. Well, anything that made her feel vulnerable anyway. Self-righteous indignation, sarcastic pessimism, and arrogant compassion were the fields The Lady seemed most comfortable expressing her self in.

Plus Morgana wasn’t actually a very talkative person. She was blunt, not one to beat around the bush unless she had an agenda.

Still, she did imply (in a half-truth manner), that the capital of Cornwall was a lovely place. An opinion that Gwen did not share with her employer. Not to say that it was all bad. There was something soothing about the place. The sound of the waves, the mist, and the cliffs surrounding the area, gave the place an isolated, dreamlike quality.

The sea, the land, the sky that seemed to go on forever, all held an impulsive wild charm. There was also a strength to it, a consistency that was comforting, as though things hadn’t really changed on a large scale for a thousand years. Sure rulers came and went, and people lived and died, but Tintagel was here to stay, even if man changed it’s name a thousand times over, it would still be the same.

It surprised Gwen that Morgana was so attached to something that wasn’t aesthetically pleasing. It added a layer of depth to her that Gwen hadn’t expected. While she was happy to know that Morgana’s affection wasn’t as shallow or easily swayed as she had always feared, she was still curious what the appeal of the place was. After years in Camelot you would think that her standards would be considerably higher. Gwen couldn’t understand why Morgana wanted to secure it so badly.

Sure, it seemed prosperous, there was apparently a large fishing port, the village around the castle was full of traders, and the people seemed to be doing well for themselves, for the most part, but Gwen didn’t see what would possess someone to choose this over the beauty of Camelot. Camelot was where Morgana belonged, where she had spent her adolescence, and where everyone who cared for her lived. Morgana may have been born here, but that didn’t automatically make it the best place for her to be. It didn’t make it her home. Perhaps what they said about love blinding extended past people, and onto places. Maybe her whole fixation stemmed simply from nostalgia for her childhood.

She didn’t know what Morgana planned to do here. It was supposed to be a short trip, but Morgana had let slip a few references to toying with the idea of staying. Gwen didn’t know how that would work. Was she planning to kick out her relatives and take over? If that was the plan, than what would she do after that was completed? Just sit on some throne in the middle of some other wise empty room, in a cold, rocky, wild, castle, lording over everyone?

Gwen really wished that it was less of a possibility than she thought it was.

A few weeks ago the thought of Morgana committing a hostile takeover would have been a silly idle thought. Lately though, it was beginning to feel like something that could actually happen. She was acting distant, having abrupt mood swings, and was oddly enough, overly sensitive. It wouldn’t shock her if Morgana decided to take the opportunity to act out now that Uther wasn’t here to scold her.

Particularly with Morgause around. Gwen could almost see the two of them meeting in the dark of night to plan an elaborate coup. Then again, even without the influence of Morgause, and under Uther’s roof, Morgana hadn’t exactly been the most behaved. The maid still remembered The Kings Ward hiding a druid in her chambers, and then talking Arthur and Merlin into helping her break the boy out of a cell after she was caught.

Gwen hoped that they were simply here to remind the people of Cornwall of Morgana’s existence, and then leaving, but she knew better than to expect things to go that smoothly. Things did have a habit of getting complicated for them, even when performing much simpler tasks than this one. It was doubtful of luck suddenly deciding to make an appearance in their lives now. Perhaps they deserved it, going on this journey, causing this amount of trouble, for, apparently, the sole purpose of inflating Morganas’ sense of self importance. Or planning a takeover. Both. Whichever it was, neither route really warranted (favorable) divine intervention.

She was uncomfortable with the whole situation. Looking at Arthur, she could tell that he felt the same way. When he had time to think about such things anyway. The journey itself had been fairly simple, get packed, get the men ready, ride for a few days.

Other than that whole bandit attack thing. That wasn’t part of the plan, at least for her. Arthur was probably used to a lot worse than this by now, if even half of what she heard about his adventures was true.

Despite his complaints, Merlin probably considered the whole thing just as simple, being Arthur’s servant didn’t seem like an easy task. Compared to some, Gwen’s job wasn’t that bad. Morgana wasn’t overly demanding, most the time even a pleasure to be around. She didn’t clean anything, but she rarely made much of a mess anyway.

Well, sometimes there was a lot of mud on the floors, the hems of Morgana’s dresses, and her boots, that couldn’t be explained. Especially odd since the damages usually occurred after she had already helped Morgana prepare for bed. But that, talking Morgana down after a nightmare, and fetching pitchers of wine fairly often were the only out of the ordinary things she had to deal with.

Oh, and Morgana might have magic, but that hadn’t really caused Gwen any trouble thus far. Gwen didn’t really know for sure, and didn’t want to get involved unless she had to.

This final part of the journey seemed to be causing more trouble than all the rest of it combined. It was difficult to keep the retinue together in the crowded area. Making sure no one was trampled was more so.

Things got particularly interesting when Morgana asked to speak with Arthur in private. Which was rather pointless as The Prince and The Kings Ward had voices that carried, and basically demanded everyone’s undivided attention, even when they were trying to avoid being overheard. Morgause was the only one who showed no curiosity whatsoever about what was going on. Gwen was certain that the only reason was that Morgause already knew.

Strangers were milling around, some sending their companions to spread word of the arrival of very important nobles. It surprised Gwen that this was considered such an event, but than remembered that things were probably different here in more ways than looks.

In Camelot it was normal to see kings, queens, and princesses visiting, but here the only nobility the people saw would be Cador and his family. Arthur and Morgana were a big deal. It made Gwen flinch to be forced to recognize how different she and Arthur were. Of course she knew that already, but sometimes those cynical (realistic) thoughts got pushed to the back of her mind when she and Arthur spent any time together.

“ Arthur, Morgause and I have been talking-”

“ That’s a surprise, I can’t say I’ve noticed. In fact, I don’t think anyone was aware of that fascinating detail of your life. Now if you would excuse me, I have a lot on my plate, pretty much all of it your fault, and I don’t need you adding to it.” Arthur interrupted irritably waving her away.

Morgana continued as if she hadn’t heard him, though her expression indicated that, no she had not temporarily gone deaf. She found his response unworthy of notice.

“-and we’ve agreed that we should stop at an inn.”

“ An inn? When we’re so close to the castle that I could probably throw Merlin at it, and hit it? What would possess you to even suggest such a thing?”

“ I need to change into a dress, and get cleaned up.”

“Can’t it wait until we get to the castle?” Arthur looked like he thought Morgana was mad, and Morgana seemed to think that he was being unbelievably daft.

Morgana tilted her head to the side, a sign Gwen was familiar with, that meant the Lady was about to make a cutting remark.

“ Yes, let’s just go meet my relatives looking as though we’ve been traveling for days, that will make a grand first impression, why didn’t I think of that! Oh, Arthur what would I possibly do without you here?”

“We _have_ been traveling for days! Something that everyone is perfectly aware of! Why do you always insist on being completely unreasonable?”

“ I could ask you the same thing.” Morgana remarked dryly.

Arthur and Morgana continued on this way for some time, and drew in a good sized crowd. Gwen could even hear some onlookers taking sides. It went about the same as their debates normally did. Arthur was as diplomatic as he usually is, and Morgana was as easily swayed as she usually is.

Suffice to say, they stopped at the inn.

After Gwen helped Morgana get ready she washed her face and hands, and stepped downstairs. Half the knights had managed to cram themselves inside. Most had ordered food and were laminating that Arthur had forbidden drinking anything other than water.

Gwen saw Arthur himself and headed towards him, until she saw that he was deep in conversation with two of his knights, Sagremor and Griflet. She didn’t want to make a scene and decided to get out of the claustrophobic inn. The noise was almost as loud out here as it was at the inn. She spotted Merlin tending the horses and wondered over to him.

He smiled and nodded in greeting when he saw her.

“Hello Gwen, aren’t you helping Morgana?”

“No. She’s done and is now helping Morgause. I offered to do so, but they seemed to want to talk without me present, for some reason, so here I am.”

Merlin raised an eyebrow, but didn’t comment.

“ Well, we should be heading to the castle soon, shouldn’t we? If Morgana’s ready. I don’t understand why we’re not there now.”

“You know Morgana, she wanted to look her best when meeting her potential opposition. She does the same thing when she get’s ready to confront Uther or Arthur. I think it comforts her to have control over something, even if it is just her appearance.”

“ Really?”

He was quiet for a moment as he thought over what she said. He seemed almost sad for Morgana. Then he was back to his regular smiling self.

“ I think she looked great before.”

Merlin paused blushing as he caught her expression, and continued talking hurriedly.

“ It was nice seeing Arthur that mad at someone else for once. The Lady Morgana is better at getting on his nerves than anyone other than me. It only takes her a few words too.”

“Uh huh.”

Gwen raised both eyebrows as she noticed his odd tone. She couldn’t tell if it was a proud camaraderie or just admiration of Morgana in general.

Merlin looked embarrassed, tugged his blue neckerchief, and opened his mouth for what she knew would be a painfully awkward reply. She waited for a few moments before she realized that he wasn’t going to answer. He seemed distracted by something behind her.

She looked over her shoulder, but saw nothing out of the ordinary. People going about their lives, not without pausing to talk with the knights or just gawk, knights milling around, waiting for orders, and a child huddled between a barrel and the inn Gwen had just exited. The small figure was wound tightly in a green cloak with the hood covering his/her face.

Gwen turned back to Merlin to try her hand at guessing what had captured his attention. She was surprised to see that it was definitely the child. Merlin’s brow was furrowed and his expression more serious than she had ever seen it.

She took half a step back when he returned his gaze to her. It was like he was looking through her for a moment, and whatever he was seeing wasn’t pleasant. Somehow, Merlin of all people, looked intimidating. She felt almost frightened of him. Merlin’s face cleared of all signs of aggression when he saw her reaction and he gave her an apologetic, goofy, smile.

“Is something wrong, Merlin?” Gwen asked, surprised by how quickly his mood seemed to change.

“No. Nope. Nothing at all. I just thought I saw someone I know. I must be mistaken though, because the last time I saw this boy, er, person, was near Camelot. It would make no sense for him to be here of all places. I can see no good reason for him to be in this part of Cornwall. Or in Cornwall at all. He tends to stay away from places like this.”

“The way you speak of him…it doesn’t sound like this person is a friend. Is there anything I can do to help?”

“ No, I can handle this by myself, I don’t need to get anyone else involved. Thank you, for your offer. He has yet to do me or anyone else any harm, anyway. Don’t worry about it.”

“ I would press the issue, but I think I know how you feel at the moment.” Gwen stated as she glanced up at the window of the room Morgana was in, and saw Morgause leaning slightly against the frame, with her back to Gwen and Merlin.

Merlin gave an amused and sympathetic smile.

“Yes, I suppose you do.”

Despite how normal he sounded now and his brief explanation, that didn’t really explain much of anything, Gwen still wasn’t completely reassured. It was almost as if he was another person for a moment there. As if there was a side to him that she knew nothing about, with it’s own secrets that she may never be privy to. It was difficult to take in, almost unbelievable. Merlin was among the most honest, straightforward, dependable people in her acquaintance. The idea that _Merlin_ had some great secret was both laughable and unpleasant.

Still, she had this nagging feeling that something was off. Then again, it was a less intense variation of the feeling she got around Morgause, and so far that had amounted to nothing. Maybe Arthur was right, maybe Gwen had just been spending too much time with Morgana, and her habit of jumping to conclusions without any facts and relying entirely on emotions, was rubbing off on her maid. Gwen didn’t really feel convinced that this was the case.

Her main reason being that she felt familiar in this territory. She tried to figure out why that would be, and the answer surprised her when she realized what it was about this situation that she recognized.

Merlin was reminding her of Morgana.

She felt like she was being lied to. She had no proof, there hadn’t been anything that would alarm anyone else, even those strange looks could be disregarded considering how quickly they had fled. He hadn’t even said anything out of the ordinary. Yet, she couldn’t help but wonder if he was hiding something. Again the same thing she felt when she was around Morgana.

But different. As similar as the feeling was to the one that Morgana gave her, it wasn’t the same. There was a difference that might seem insignificant, especially since the results were nearly identical, but managed to define a fundamental trait within each of them. A surprising contrast. Then again not so surprising considering that Merlin and Morgana were as different as day and night.

With Morgana, she felt kept in the dark, and with Merlin she felt forced to the light. If they really were both keeping secrets, and this whole thing wasn’t all in her head, they were doing it for dissimilar reasons.

Merlin, because he wished to handle whatever it was himself, thought he knew what was best, and sought to protect the people he cared about.

Morgana kept her secrets to protect herself.

Gwen wasn’t sure which was better or worse. Defending your loved ones and protecting yourself were both fine things. There wasn’t really anything negative about them in themselves, but there was a harsh side to everything taken too far.

There came a point when defending can turn to controlling. Making decisions you have no right to, so that your loved ones don’t have to. Or because you feel that they might make the wrong choice, and you want to protect them from their own mistakes. Gwen could see how easy it would be, to try to force people into roles you think they should inhabit, from that point. Convincing yourself that it was for their own good that you stepped in, to defend them from themselves, in a twisted way.

When it came to self-preservation the line got even thinner, easier to cross. Protecting yourself isn’t wrong. It is just difficult not to make a habit of thinking only of yourself once you’ve started, and it can cause unnecessary pain to those around you. A time came when that way of thinking turned to selfishness, and then a complete disregard and lack of empathy for others.

Luckily, Merlin and Morgana were still on the virtue side of their respective lines, and were more than unlikely to ever sink so low into either vice. They had good hearts.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So, I’m pretty sure everyone knows who the child is, if you don’t, well, you can look forward to the reveal in the next chapter.
> 
> I’m not sure why I’m dragging this out so long, in my original outline for the story it was only going to be like 10-12 chapters long! Now it’s looking like it’s going to be closer to 30, I just don’t know how this happened.
> 
> Probably my deep love of character studies. I noticed I was doing a lot more of people thinking about other people than actual dialogue. Which I tried to remedy a bit in this chapter, but I’m not sure I completely succeeded. I do know that I need to pick up the pace, and I’m going to try to do that now that we’re actually in Cornwall.


End file.
